Return of the Glassholes

Apple's new weapon of mass distraction has arrived

Feb 07, 2024

The Apple Vision Pro headset has entered the public sphere. After much debate and discussion about what its use cases were, or could be, or if there were any at all, we're now getting a first glimpse of how the device will be used when put into the hands of ordinary people.

The answer: It's not a tool for productivity; it's a tool to distract from reality.

Let's run through some examples. We saw the guy walking down the street wearing a headset, and let's be frank — he looked like an idiot. A guy marveling that he could watch not one, not two, but three TikTok windows at the same time, gaining the ultimate dopamine hit. A man watching a movie instead of watching his newly-born daughter, who was resting in his arms. There was a picture of two people eating together, lost in their individual headset world (hey, at least there are no phones, right?) Next, we saw somebody walking around outdoors with maps on the screen. Oh, there was also, finally, a use case for NFTs — lol, I kid, it was a person pasting the JPEG monkeys all over his room. There were tech bros with the ski goggles on driving, you guessed it, Cybertrucks (reminder, there's no autopilot in these cars yet), and then there was this guy who got pulled over by police for doing just that (Apple explicitly states you shouldn't wear the device while driving). The crazy ability to use the device as a $3500 timer for cooking. A man taking a dump while transporting himself to the top of the mountains (yes, ladies, men's bathroom breaks after going to take even longer.) And, of course, people wearing it while interacting with the public, like this guy getting his coffee order; the lack of shame is almost admirable.

In short, it’s the return of the Glassholes.

The biggest surprise was the lack of "wow." Sure, the Apple fanboys and headset pushers are doing their best to sell it as a revolutionary piece of tech. But nothing I've seen has made me even remotely excited. It's things we can do already, and much better, on our phones, but now through a bulky, heavy device attached to our faces, making us look nothing short of insane.

Look, credit where it's due — the device seems to work well (aside from the keyboard, which has people looking like they're trying to burst imaginary bubbles with their pointed fingers), but then it's an Apple device. It was always going to work. It was always going to be made from nice materials. That was never really the question here. The bigger questions were whether the device was needed and whether the wider public would adopt it.

My belief is still no.

The main reason is that it’s still not answering the why. Part of Apple's launch video and marketing showed the device used in a work setting and, in others, as a device to use on your own. Its main pitch implied that 'spatial computing' would allow for more productive work. Tim Cook has even said he doesn't envision people wearing the device for long periods. That kinda made sense. A device to put on now and then to do certain things that would be better performed in the virtual medium. But as the launch neared, the marketing seemed to shift, selling the Vision Pro as an entertainment device. Now that we have people using it in the wild, it's clear that, in reality, it's more likely to become a weapon of mass distraction. Screens everywhere and on anything. More things and pings for our eyes to look at. More boxes and windows to obscure our view of the reality in front of us. More temptations to leave base reality for some alternative reality. And for no reason other than… because we can? That’s not going to move the needle for public adoption.

It’s bleak stuff.

The other, bigger problem is the distraction factor. The smartphone has already shown us that humanity can't fight against its own need for dopamine, and the resulting addiction to these devices is causing widespread depression, anxiety, and social disconnect. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to project the outcome if we strap our phones to our faces. As always, the Simpsons predicted how this would play out: zombified humanoids, lost in their own worlds, oblivious to everyone and everything around them.

It's certainly the future of tech that the big tech companies want to sell you. Just imagine what they could sell directly to your eyeballs, or what data points they can drain from you for marketing purposes.

But I still hope it's not the future of tech that humanity itself wants.

I fall into the camp of not wanting this device to work. I don't want VR or AR to become part of my life, especially if the entry point remains a device that distracts my eyes — and, therefore, my entire being — from the world around me. I don't want my digital experience to become even more insular and isolating. Technology has the power to bring us together, but it also has the potential to drive us further apart.

I’m going to end here, as I’m starting to ramble. I watched Casey Neistat's review video, which, if I'm being honest, I couldn't tell if it was satirical. Assuming it isn't, then this quote from the video is the perfect analogy to the Vision Pro, both where it's at now and in the future —

“This feels like a little glimpse into the future of what computing could be like down the road… why’s everyone staring at me? Do I look as ridiculous as those people make me feel like I look?”

That says it all.

New feature: On the Trend Mill

I'm excited to introduce a new section to the weekly newsletter, 'On the Trend Mill.' As tech and business news moves so fast, it can be difficult to keep up or to ensure the weekly newsletter coverage is up-to-date and relevant. This new section allows me to offer quick commentary and snippets on trending stories happening throughout the week.

I hope it brings you wisdom and joy.

Meta's stock surge — In last week's edition of Trend Mill, I covered Meta's continued stock recovery, owing to its "year of efficiency" and pivot to AI. In its earnings report last week, it announced booming profits and its first-ever stock buyback (which could net Zuck around $700 million a year). It resulted in a stock surge, taking the company to an all-time high price. Amazing what sacking employees and chasing shiny objects can do.
TikTok's music struggles — Universal is pulling its music from TikTok, claiming the tech giant offered artists a bad deal, so bad it doesn't even match up to the shitty deals companies like Spotify offer for royalty payments. It means some famous meme material will now only live in memory. How will everyone cope? Expect a deal to happen eventually; these labels make bank thanks to viral trends on social platforms.
The return of the king — In the best (or worst) news of the week, the king of the grift, the prodigal son of entrepreneurship, Adam Neumann, is said to be working on a deal to buy WeWork out of bankruptcy. Once valued at $49 billion, its current market cap is around $15 million, a pocket change for the man who made over $500 million for blowing up his company. I can't wait to write about this, should it ever happen.